Habagat's Fors and Againsts

 

OJ struggled docking earlier today but thank God for some amazing dunggo skills

     The only sea vessel connecting the city and my little island had to cancel its afternoon trip due to rough seas (sorry for those constantly travelling, I guess). I feel bad for saying that I am currently enjoying the Habagats (Southwest Monsoon) here in the island. I get to feel and sing like Pocahontas as the strong breeze touches my skin and I get to hear it too as it moves through the young mangrove trees nearby. It's just the perfect environment to reflect on so many things. 

Boho Rock Resort in the background. I'll never get tired of this view

      Brave enough bringing 4 electronics around a sea air environment and it's making my mechanical-like heart happy too, so, all is good. :D

 

Happy Birthday to my ChinChin, full name, Sea Urchin B.M. <3

 

    It's so unusual for a song to be so upbeat yet can hold such unhappy lyrics. Or maybe I just don't know much when it comes to music. Anyway, I'm referring to Tom Jones', Its Not Unusual. I didn't even realize how miserable this man story is in this song, until last week! This might be the product of me over-analyzing things lately. I hope I wouldn't end up drowning from the thoughts that weren't meant to stay with me in the first place. But this song is just so silly and thought-provoking at the same time. Wouldn't hurt to sweat the small stuff once in a while. 

    When I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry
I wanna die

Love will never do what you want it to
Why can't this crazy love be mine

            

How Loving Should Be and What It Means to Love Authentically

    I got distracted again by my farm games. Anyway..

    About 6 years ago, a former colleague shared a tale to me about how people used to be creatures with four legs, four arms and two heads and according to him, this was seen by the Gods as threatening. So, Zeus sliced everyone and as a result have separated the two bodies. My colleague was referring to Aristophanes' speech in Plato's Symposium, that Love is the desire we have to find our other half, in order to become whole.

     In what I believed was an attempt of a flirtatious move, I still respected the guy (How often would a person like him use such story to get a woman's attention. Obviously, this man wanted to be seen as wise, I guess) and so I responded, letting him know I enjoyed the tale and that how wonderful it would be, to find that soulmate we've all been longing for. In the back of my mind, all I can think of was the absurdity of that story. Coming from a fresh failed and soul-crushing relationship, the idea of finding a soulmate was the last thing I'd want at that time. From that day on too, I avoided conversations that was not work-related with that colleague. LOL

    As an introvert, I enjoy solitude, I love my alone time, but, when I say I'm lonely (yes I get lonely) to some of my friends and acquaintances, I'm often recommended to associate with another person romantically. But the thing is I don't want it now, maybe I just need new hobby but definitely not a hubby. I find dating aggravating, just the thought of spending some of my nights thinking about someone and how I am going to worry about him/her. I worry about myself a lot, and, for another person to get in the picture means an additional burden. 

    In my Facebook memories I came across an old video I shared in 2018. Today I was reminded again about how after my last break-up, I've taught myself to love differently. My view of love from that previous relationship was the most incorrect way, it wasn't 'authentic love'. I offered a love like Aristophanes was my coach then. LOL. And, because I'm lazy I am just going to just give you the link this article from Huffington Post of a rather brief explanation of what it really means to love authentically. I think I've set the bar high this time so I'm also not wondering why I'm still single. 

    I just finished watching the movie As Good As It Gets and I think this particular scene of Jack Nicholson character giving a compliment to Helen Hunt fits the definition of authentic love. :)

    

Category: Ma'am

    

     I always get annoyed every time someone calls me "Dai" (usually addressed to young girls). I'm a grown-up, for crying out loud! One time I took a cab and I almost refused to respond to the driver when asked where I wanted to be dropped off, "Asa ta dai?". And in my mind, I had choked the guy. 

    Since I came home here in the province, I have found myself going to the market often and each time I buy something, whether I ask, pay or the store owner hands me something, I am already being addressed as Ma'am. How cool is that? 😗   

    Just 3 days ago, I went to get some ingredients for my Utan bisaya. On my way, i traveled using our Mamachari bicycle. I then wore a small sun hat which I imagined looking like a teenage girl. Then came some small talk with this lady at the store, I can recall her saying "Ma'am" three wonderful times. LOL.

   While I try to enjoy this new salutation, I also cant help but think that I must have aged physically, which I don't mind; we all go there. 

    So, as the kids say nowadays, "Achievement Unlocked", truly I've unlocked it. Haha! And this story may seem silly to many, but this just means so much to me, so quit judging me. :D

This Year's 13th of June

 

    Yesterday’s 13th of June was okay but there is always something about my birthday that just brings me down. Today I get to reflect a little and I'd like to talk about the things I’m still appreciative of and for (I just don't know what to use, lol).

    Appreciate is such as an overuse word at home, heck, you should ask my dogs. I tell them that all the time. When they eat their food and I see a clean bowl, when they stay for cuddles, when I call them and they come quickly and most importantly when I tell them something and and they look me in the eye like they know what I'm talking about. I'd say “Thank you Chin”, (Chin is one the dogs at home) followed by the reason and usually the sentence ends with “Na appreciate jud nako”. And the way I say the word appreciate is something that my family finds amusing but it’s just how I feel like saying it, that in my sincerest way. Aaahhh-pre-cheeee-yyaaatee.

    Today I’d like to express my appreciation to someone who had made my birthday extra special, its Mom. I've lost count of the hugs I received from her, just from yesterday alone. On the eve of my birthday just before 12am we were both awake and I received the first hug accompanied with a short happy birthday song. The last one was given minutes before midnight of June 14th. Why am I thankful for hugs? I had friends and even acquaintances in the past who don't get hugs that often from their Moms and Dads for reasons I still don't know. A lot of them also lost theirs early, so the more grateful I am for the XOXOs. 

    Id like to say thank you Mom for trying to show a straight face despite knowing how I’m aching inside. I’ve stopped working about a year ago when the pandemic hit and all the wrong feelings just came to me. I became the person (although I’ve expected the worse) I didn’t want myself to be. 

    I'd like to show my appreciation to Mom for not refusing a single request for a half gallon of ice cream. Every single time I ask for ice cream, Mom hasn’t turned it down. And that’s for a whole year since I’ve stayed at home. I also ask for the super thick variety which cost more but not an ugly word from Mom. LOL

    Id like to thank Mom for not complaining for me being out of job. “Don’t rush things” she’d say. “I like that you are home” and sometimes she'd make it sound nicer by adding things like, how she likes my cooking and that she prefers I stay longer.

    I’d like to thank Mom for being the most patient person during countless of occasions when I just didn't have the energy to stay up in the morning. Unknowingly, I’ve cried myself during the night or I’ve watch a movie or series and that I have drained all my energy by staying up till dawn. 

    Lastly I’d like to thank Mom for vocally telling the words “You Have Me” when I ran out of funds to buy some things we needed at home. Although that was something I didn’t need to hear, it was the most reassuring words any unemployed child would love to get from a parent. I'm quite sure that statement was more than just finances talk, it was more than that, I'm sure of it. lol. I'm not entirely proud as I'm no longer a kid, I don't deserve any of these but since that day I've consoled myself from some horrible thoughts and I've been feeling better. 

    June 2020 was the start of the worst possible things that could happen into my life. I’ve lost my friends, I lost the city life I enjoy, I lost my job, I’ve lost the emotional equilibrium I’ve worked so hard. But I've survived, I’ve managed to swim and live. That, because I have an understanding family and a supportive Mom. She’s the most compassionate and kind person and I’m very lucky to have her.

    So happy Birthday still, to me from me. :D and I'll get a job soon.

~~~~

My Gomphrena Thoughts

 

There are nights that I cry and I become very emotional

I have this fear

The fear of not waking up

The fear that it could be my last

I always fear for those that i leave behind

To the people who have always been kind

The nights they will be grieving and the scar of my passing, it'll will be leaving.

Death will eventually come and it isn't something that I'm terrified of

But i fear for those i love dearly,

To spare them the agony, i begged this to God clearly

I wish to tell them for the last time my gratitude and for sticking around despite some of my occasional attitude

In the afterlife, I wish for an ability to ease those in pain

Maybe a power to cast it easily using the rain

I don't want to leave now,

There must be a way to know if my time is up somehow

I would want this not only for me but for everyone

for a sudden death of a loved one can be painful to anyone.

These are the thoughts that haunt me at night.

and I can only wish to those I value,

Get to hold them, so tight.

A Chance To Say Goodbye

 

    I just realized that Mom's phone performs better for Astrophotography, so, to I took the courage again to go outside in the middle of the night. You know what, it was all worth it! I got some great shots of the galactic core. Now I just have to learn stacking to improve the quality of my photos. 

Seeing the sky like this still feels like the first time but I also wouldn't deny that I'm still a little frightened too. 

May 17, 2020

Last 3 photos are all from May 20. 

     Finally saw you after days of rain, too much cloud and my fear of going out at midnight. 

     My first photo of the Galactice Core taken at 3:30AM. I feel something inside. Is this what they call pure bliss?

"Take a look inside my heart and you'll see

I have so much to give. Believe in me."

-David Benoit

~~~~~

Magenta skies, just after today's sunset.  

 

April's Pink Full Moon (Mine wasn't pink at all, lol)

    I've been looking forward for this year's April Pink Moon.  After much practice attempting to capture the moon using my android phone, I figured I needed a more powerful lens (not that my camera had the best) to capture the details of my subject and get the correct settings (higher ISO, Shutter Speeds) which wasn't available on my mobile phone. 

    Just recently, I learned the basics of Astrophotography and learned that although the moon and the stars are both seen in the night sky, they use different camera settings for capturing. It was complex and I got overwhelmed learning these new stuff. This time I am too too eager to capture the galactic core and hopefully I will, this summer. 

    These are the photos I took just before the April 27 Pink Full Moon.  The Sunset yesterday was breathtaking as usual and the other things that made it even better -- dogs, calm sea and not a soul that bothered me. 

The Pink Full Moon. I wasn't entirely proud of how the photos turned out. Out of the 60-ish shots i took, these are better looking. Need to study hard, i guess. 

Plumeria means summer and the need for a good camera.

    Its been a long time since I've last used a DSLR to capture photos. However I noticed our Plumeria has started blooming. As much as I wanted close up shots and more details but the tree has gotten so tall now. So I did the best thing -- charged some batteries,  I searched for the almost couldn't be found SD card, and, finally mounted the camera to my Benro tripod. Below are some the photos I took :D

 

 

Hello from our Yuyon. 💗