That's That

 My usual Christmas blog entry obviously got delayed for year 2021. Let me start by saying that until now, year 2022, we are still recovering from what had happened. 

    It was around the second week of December of 2020 when a news was announced about a typhoon hitting the country. And PAG-ASA, being PAG-ASA had not predicted the intensity of the typhoon. It was only hours after the said landfall that we had known that it became category 4 and no one had seem to be intensely prepared for it. Our family only prepared at least 3 days worth of food. Water was also not something we thought would be taken from us. 

    As soon as the eye of the typhoon was in our area, power supply was immediately cut off. Wind with unusual sounds were heard. Terrifying wind sounds I only have heard before in movies. It took about 30 minutes, it was loud outside but none could be seen but we were all aware that chaos had been brewing outside. The whirling had stop, then came the rain that brought us awareness that the roof of our apartment had been swept by the wind. Water started flooding our home, both the 2nd and first floor of our had water in it. It only took minutes for our whole apartment to morphed into swamp like area. It was a terrible night for all of us. Morning came and we had finally seen the severity of the storm. The city was badly hit. For a big and high earning City like Cebu, I had assume that it would be able to bounce back quickly. What I initially thought would be 3-day of now electricity had turn into 26. Water supply isn't even consistent until now. We have about 2 huge galloons stored that we can use right away. We had experienced the worst; we spent both Christmas and New Years without electricity and water.

I've said enough bad things about everything that had happened, we were almost defeated by the aftermath of the storm but as I am typing this, a would like to point out some things. I'll start by saying that the odds were somehow with me. I have applied for a job first week of December and haven't received a single call from the two companies I've submitted my resumes to. Thankfully none of them responded. The days of me being unemployed had allowed me to stay at home and be with family; helping them transfer things from our old apartment to the new one. I'm sure those extra hands were very much needed. I also get to read 5 books in a month, probably the most I've read in a long time. And then there's the realization of protecting and conserving what's left on earth, our natural resources. We often neglect such things until we get slapped by damage us humans have cause. I'm having a hard time ending this entry so ill just end it here for now. 

Post Vaccination Thoughts

     Today is the 3rd day after I got my first dose of Covid-19 vaccine, next jab will be on Sept 9th. I have Sinovac as dossier to help my system, and of all the vaccines available, this one is the least I would want in my body.

     The evening I got vaccinated, I knew I was going to make it, but I was still thinking of leaving a message, a goodbye one, just in case. I thought I'd tell my family about this blog that I had for so long.  A friend of mine who was with me had experienced a side effect minutes after being vaccinated, hours passed, she had a fever. I must say I got lucky, on my 3rd day I only felt very little pain on the injection site and I'm still able to write about these things here on my blog. I'm alive! I know it's to early for some confetti but I think I'll be okay at least, physically. Mentally I've been struggling. 

    The past 3 week's been pretty rough. I haven't even touched, the more open my planner. The sound of sirens here in the Island is constantly heard. Sometimes, I'd refuse to believe these are from ambulances. And I'd look outside only to confirm that my first guess was right. When will all of these end? Or at least if it's here to stay, when will things get better?

    Over a year have passed and it's as if nothing's change. I'm truly angered by this situation. I miss how I appreciate going home after a long and busy day at work. I miss travelling and feeling the air and the sun as I ride a jeepney. I miss my beep ride on my way to my favorite stop which is the Galleria. I miss the view of my favorite IT park, the combination of both seeing this concrete jungle in an actual jungle. I miss how I can still get the best air in an urban area. I miss the people although I see not very often but when I do, I get to share the most laughable stories while enjoying a huge feast. I miss a lot of things but the sirens have gone loud this time and I'm left with a feeling of longing, still wishing that I can make things go back, the way they were. 

3rd of August Sunset.

    

More anxious than usual

     The pandemic has brought all sorts of emotion and at the very top of my list would be my anxiety. So, to say that I am anxious is normal but today I am more anxious than usual. 

    It's 2:45 in the morning as I am typing these words. My sleeping pattern for the past 2 weeks have changed- again. I'm asleep by day, wide-awake at night. Later today I will be getting my first dose of Covid-19 vaccine. I have had vaccinations in the past and my body doesn't respond well when being introduced to new stuff. A good sign, of course, that means its fighting off unfamiliar, foreign things.  Last week, 3 of family members including Mom got their first and only shot of the brand Janssen and thank God, after a week, they all seem fine. Now I am a different person with a different body. I can only pray that this body be allowed to pull through another round this time.

    Sharing with you this unrelated photo of the Moon I took last week. God Bless us all! 

 

 

Remembering you on your Birthday. My Turtle should have been 10 years old now. 

Miss you always my Sis. :(

Funny Guy named Cat

    Our home seem to attract a lot of animals including the wild ones. Earlier today, I gained a new friend in a form of a pigeon, I named Cat. 

    When I saw that there was a bird nearby, I immediately took the camera. I  was surprised that when I approached it, it didn't even try to fly. And because I got curious, I inspected its body and found both wings were swollen. I'm not sure how Cat got injured but I just assumed it made a very bad landing towards the peanuts I've been drying outside for days. Luckily the water drums for my plants have been filled and it provided Cat some drinking water. I've applied some ointment around its wounds, and I gave it some cat food as well. LOL

    I felt lucky that I was able to touch and I got a few snaps of it. Cat stayed for about an hour and at the same time I also had a dog wanting to be let out, barking for almost an hour. Chin tried to attack Cat several times however the feral cat Spi-Spie didn't seem to care. I wanted to adopt Spi as she showed to be the most gentle of all the feral here (there are two other strays named Becca and Bella, both Calicos) but  my two male Persians haven't been spayed yet. I'd like to avoid some offspring for now. I can't support the kittens, you know. Now going back to Cat, it managed to cross the gate. It was funny that it was just casually walking outside like a human. I also feared that some kids would pick it up and bring it home so I followed it and later placed in our backyard. After a much needed rest, it eventually flew. Goodbye Cat and hope I'll see you again, my friend.

    Vamoosing to my now favorite month, July and welcoming August, still, with uncertainties. For now, I'll just hope for better sceneries to be photograph and a healthy body to be able to press the shutter release.

The Milky Way /Galactic Core taken on 30th of July at Sea View Park around 9PM.

    What an amazing time to be alive! You read that right. In a time of an on-going pandemic and a deadlier Covid variant, I'm grateful to be alive witnessing something big. Our very own Hidilyn Diaz made history by becoming the first athlete from the country to win gold at the Olympics! 

via One Sports/Paolo del Rosario

    On top of her Olympic gold medal, she has been given a number of incentive and rewards as well including a ridiculous lifetime of free milk tea but well-earned for the country's first GOLD! 

MABUHAY KA HIDILYN!

~~~~~~~

Habagat's Fors and Againsts

 

OJ struggled docking earlier today but thank God for some amazing dunggo skills

     The only sea vessel connecting the city and my little island had to cancel its afternoon trip due to rough seas (sorry for those constantly travelling, I guess). I feel bad for saying that I am currently enjoying the Habagats (Southwest Monsoon) here in the island. I get to feel and sing like Pocahontas as the strong breeze touches my skin and I get to hear it too as it moves through the young mangrove trees nearby. It's just the perfect environment to reflect on so many things. 

Boho Rock Resort in the background. I'll never get tired of this view

      Brave enough bringing 4 electronics around a sea air environment and it's making my mechanical-like heart happy too, so, all is good. :D

 

Happy Birthday to my ChinChin, full name, Sea Urchin B.M. <3

 

    It's so unusual for a song to be so upbeat yet can hold such unhappy lyrics. Or maybe I just don't know much when it comes to music. Anyway, I'm referring to Tom Jones', Its Not Unusual. I didn't even realize how miserable this man story is in this song, until last week! This might be the product of me over-analyzing things lately. I hope I wouldn't end up drowning from the thoughts that weren't meant to stay with me in the first place. But this song is just so silly and thought-provoking at the same time. Wouldn't hurt to sweat the small stuff once in a while. 

    When I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry
I wanna die

Love will never do what you want it to
Why can't this crazy love be mine

            

How Loving Should Be and What It Means to Love Authentically

    I got distracted again by my farm games. Anyway..

    About 6 years ago, a former colleague shared a tale to me about how people used to be creatures with four legs, four arms and two heads and according to him, this was seen by the Gods as threatening. So, Zeus sliced everyone and as a result have separated the two bodies. My colleague was referring to Aristophanes' speech in Plato's Symposium, that Love is the desire we have to find our other half, in order to become whole.

     In what I believed was an attempt of a flirtatious move, I still respected the guy (How often would a person like him use such story to get a woman's attention. Obviously, this man wanted to be seen as wise, I guess) and so I responded, letting him know I enjoyed the tale and that how wonderful it would be, to find that soulmate we've all been longing for. In the back of my mind, all I can think of was the absurdity of that story. Coming from a fresh failed and soul-crushing relationship, the idea of finding a soulmate was the last thing I'd want at that time. From that day on too, I avoided conversations that was not work-related with that colleague. LOL

    As an introvert, I enjoy solitude, I love my alone time, but, when I say I'm lonely (yes I get lonely) to some of my friends and acquaintances, I'm often recommended to associate with another person romantically. But the thing is I don't want it now, maybe I just need new hobby but definitely not a hubby. I find dating aggravating, just the thought of spending some of my nights thinking about someone and how I am going to worry about him/her. I worry about myself a lot, and, for another person to get in the picture means an additional burden. 

    In my Facebook memories I came across an old video I shared in 2018. Today I was reminded again about how after my last break-up, I've taught myself to love differently. My view of love from that previous relationship was the most incorrect way, it wasn't 'authentic love'. I offered a love like Aristophanes was my coach then. LOL. And, because I'm lazy I am just going to just give you the link this article from Huffington Post of a rather brief explanation of what it really means to love authentically. I think I've set the bar high this time so I'm also not wondering why I'm still single. 

    I just finished watching the movie As Good As It Gets and I think this particular scene of Jack Nicholson character giving a compliment to Helen Hunt fits the definition of authentic love. :)

    

Category: Ma'am

    

     I always get annoyed every time someone calls me "Dai" (usually addressed to young girls). I'm a grown-up, for crying out loud! One time I took a cab and I almost refused to respond to the driver when asked where I wanted to be dropped off, "Asa ta dai?". And in my mind, I had choked the guy. 

    Since I came home here in the province, I have found myself going to the market often and each time I buy something, whether I ask, pay or the store owner hands me something, I am already being addressed as Ma'am. How cool is that? 😗   

    Just 3 days ago, I went to get some ingredients for my Utan bisaya. On my way, i traveled using our Mamachari bicycle. I then wore a small sun hat which I imagined looking like a teenage girl. Then came some small talk with this lady at the store, I can recall her saying "Ma'am" three wonderful times. LOL.

   While I try to enjoy this new salutation, I also cant help but think that I must have aged physically, which I don't mind; we all go there. 

    So, as the kids say nowadays, "Achievement Unlocked", truly I've unlocked it. Haha! And this story may seem silly to many, but this just means so much to me, so quit judging me. :D

This Year's 13th of June

 

    Yesterday’s 13th of June was okay but there is always something about my birthday that just brings me down. Today I get to reflect a little and I'd like to talk about the things I’m still appreciative of and for (I just don't know what to use, lol).

    Appreciate is such as an overuse word at home, heck, you should ask my dogs. I tell them that all the time. When they eat their food and I see a clean bowl, when they stay for cuddles, when I call them and they come quickly and most importantly when I tell them something and and they look me in the eye like they know what I'm talking about. I'd say “Thank you Chin”, (Chin is one the dogs at home) followed by the reason and usually the sentence ends with “Na appreciate jud nako”. And the way I say the word appreciate is something that my family finds amusing but it’s just how I feel like saying it, that in my sincerest way. Aaahhh-pre-cheeee-yyaaatee.

    Today I’d like to express my appreciation to someone who had made my birthday extra special, its Mom. I've lost count of the hugs I received from her, just from yesterday alone. On the eve of my birthday just before 12am we were both awake and I received the first hug accompanied with a short happy birthday song. The last one was given minutes before midnight of June 14th. Why am I thankful for hugs? I had friends and even acquaintances in the past who don't get hugs that often from their Moms and Dads for reasons I still don't know. A lot of them also lost theirs early, so the more grateful I am for the XOXOs. 

    Id like to say thank you Mom for trying to show a straight face despite knowing how I’m aching inside. I’ve stopped working about a year ago when the pandemic hit and all the wrong feelings just came to me. I became the person (although I’ve expected the worse) I didn’t want myself to be. 

    I'd like to show my appreciation to Mom for not refusing a single request for a half gallon of ice cream. Every single time I ask for ice cream, Mom hasn’t turned it down. And that’s for a whole year since I’ve stayed at home. I also ask for the super thick variety which cost more but not an ugly word from Mom. LOL

    Id like to thank Mom for not complaining for me being out of job. “Don’t rush things” she’d say. “I like that you are home” and sometimes she'd make it sound nicer by adding things like, how she likes my cooking and that she prefers I stay longer.

    I’d like to thank Mom for being the most patient person during countless of occasions when I just didn't have the energy to stay up in the morning. Unknowingly, I’ve cried myself during the night or I’ve watch a movie or series and that I have drained all my energy by staying up till dawn. 

    Lastly I’d like to thank Mom for vocally telling the words “You Have Me” when I ran out of funds to buy some things we needed at home. Although that was something I didn’t need to hear, it was the most reassuring words any unemployed child would love to get from a parent. I'm quite sure that statement was more than just finances talk, it was more than that, I'm sure of it. lol. I'm not entirely proud as I'm no longer a kid, I don't deserve any of these but since that day I've consoled myself from some horrible thoughts and I've been feeling better. 

    June 2020 was the start of the worst possible things that could happen into my life. I’ve lost my friends, I lost the city life I enjoy, I lost my job, I’ve lost the emotional equilibrium I’ve worked so hard. But I've survived, I’ve managed to swim and live. That, because I have an understanding family and a supportive Mom. She’s the most compassionate and kind person and I’m very lucky to have her.

    So happy Birthday still, to me from me. :D and I'll get a job soon.

~~~~

My Gomphrena Thoughts

 

There are nights that I cry and I become very emotional

I have this fear

The fear of not waking up

The fear that it could be my last

I always fear for those that i leave behind

To the people who have always been kind

The nights they will be grieving and the scar of my passing, it'll will be leaving.

Death will eventually come and it isn't something that I'm terrified of

But i fear for those i love dearly,

To spare them the agony, i begged this to God clearly

I wish to tell them for the last time my gratitude and for sticking around despite some of my occasional attitude

In the afterlife, I wish for an ability to ease those in pain

Maybe a power to cast it easily using the rain

I don't want to leave now,

There must be a way to know if my time is up somehow

I would want this not only for me but for everyone

for a sudden death of a loved one can be painful to anyone.

These are the thoughts that haunt me at night.

and I can only wish to those I value,

Get to hold them, so tight.

A Chance To Say Goodbye

 

    I just realized that Mom's phone performs better for Astrophotography, so, to I took the courage again to go outside in the middle of the night. You know what, it was all worth it! I got some great shots of the galactic core. Now I just have to learn stacking to improve the quality of my photos. 

Seeing the sky like this still feels like the first time but I also wouldn't deny that I'm still a little frightened too. 

May 17, 2020

Last 3 photos are all from May 20.